Police Come Into Library as I am Blogging

Photo: Early morning on Raritan Bay (2007)

Just now in the Port Richmond branch library in Staten Island, (establish 1905), as I'm typing this, two uniformed policemen have arrived and have started questioning a boy sitting near me. They asked him what he's doing. He said "reading a book." Then they asked him if he is carrying a knife. He answered "Yes." Talk about changing the subject. They asked him some more questions and just now the two policemen asked him to walk outside with them. Maybe the boy was hiding from the police in the library. The boy didn't look like a deadbeat or a gangster, but one can't judge from looks.

In the News: Tiger and the Party Crashers

Last week it was all about Tiger Woods and the couple who crashed the White House State dinner party. I think that in the long run the harmless couple who crashed the dinner party was like a wake-up call for the White House. It will make the White House make their security system more efficient. Like if one always leaves their door unlocked and they are suddenly robbed, they learn to lock their door.

The interesting thing about Tiger Woods was the nature of the news story. How his story escalated from this minor car accident to this immense sex scandal. The journey of the story itself is what is so fascinating.

HealthCare Reform

I seem to be one of the few seniors who has been an avid supporter of Pres. Obama, but even I'm starting to get disappointed in him. For the first time in history, we social security recipients are not getting our little raise this year, and that comes from this big liberal in the White House. The reason we are not getting the raise is entirely bogus, because the economy was much worse last year than this year, and we got a raise last year. Obama also wants to pare down Medicare, which I receive. He really know how to hurt a person. I think he believes that seniors, as a group, are not going to support him no matter what he does, so they can't expect any favors from him. He might as well save money where he can. I'm also not sure any more if I'm for the healthcare reform or at least the public option part. The government already has Medicaid, which I was on for a few months, and it was terrible. I couldn't find any doctors who would accept it. I live in a poor neighborhood, and there's a clinic near me that has a sign up that they will only accept Medicaid patients between 3 and 5 pm on Fridays. I don't see any point in offering medical insurance to millions more people, if the insurance stinks. Why not just improve Medicaid? How do we know that any other government-run health insurance program will be any better than Medicaid, which seems to me terribly inefficient. At least with insurance companies, they have to compete with each other for clients, and that seems to make all the difference in the world.

First Snow of the Season Tonight

First snow tonight projected for New York City. Exciting--the first snow of the season. Went into the City yesterday (Manhattan) and after getting my hair cut at Astor Hair Cutters in the Village, shopped at the Whole Food Market on 14th Street. I bought a few things and my bill came to $20.00. After coming home to Staten Island, I biked over to my local Pathmark store and bought two large bags of groceries and my bill came to $12.00. I've been using the computers at the library, but have to stop and get my service reconnected at home. My time at the library is almost up so I'll have to finish this some other time.

Photo: 2007 - Sunrise over Brooklyn

I watched Rick Warren on Meet the Press last Sunday. I thought what he said quite impressive. It made me want to read his book. Below is something I read from a Dietrich Bonhoeffer book.

The church is the church only when it exists for others. To make a start, it should give away all the property to those in need. The clergy must live solely on the free-will offerings of their congregations, or possibly engage in some secular calling. The church must share in the secular problems of ordinary human life, not dominating, but helping and serving. It must tell men of every calling what it means to live in Christ, to exist for others. In particular, our own church will have to take the field against the vices of hubris, power-worship, envy, and humbug, as the roots of all evil. It will have to speak of moderation, purity, trust, and modesty. It must not underestimate the importance of human example (which has its origin in the humanity of Jesus and is so important in Paul's teaching); it is not abstract argument, but example, that gives its word emphasis and power...Bonhoeffer

My thoughts: Existing for others is not easy. Most people are too proud to accept help. However, one must learn to get around that. I haven't learned yet. When people reject you because they feel intimidated by you, how does one handle that? To accept help from others is not an easy thing for most people. If one is strong enough to accept help, they are the ones that don't need it as much. The people who need help most will deny that they need help.

A Good Morning Prayer

Lord Jesus Christ
You were poor
And in distress, a captive and forsaken as I am.
You know all man's troubles'
You abide with me
When all men fail me;
You remember and seek me;
It is your will that I should know you
And turn to you.
Lord, I hear your call and follow;
Help me.

This morning I was saying a morning prayer (reproduced below) above which is an excerpt. Whenever I say this prayer, I feel a tinge inside of me as if I were saying something untrue. The reason for that is that I don’t feel like I’m poor. I’m living in a government subsidized apartment for seniors, who can’t afford to pay normal rent prices, and I’m getting good donations from the Food Pantry, yet I don’t feel poor. I’ve spent much of my adult life near the poverty line, but yet I’ve never considered myself poor or one amongst the poor. I think that’s because my early life was very middle class and I didn’t ever feel as one of the poor, and it seems to me how the mentality that we establish growing up sticks with us thoughout our life. I’ve know people who were quite well off, but they still had the economic mentality and thought like poor people, because that was the level they were on in their early lives when their worldly thoughts and self-image were being formed. Another reason for my not-poor mentality is that my poverty isn't chronic. I've gone in my life from near destitution to a very good paying job. It seems to me that when I am in poverty it's only a phase I'm going through because God wants to teach me something, and I needed to be in that state for me to learn what he wanted me to learn from it. Even though I'm now a senior and I'm in one of these poverty-periods of mine, from the pattern of my life I find it hard to believe that this is the end of the road for me and this state will last without me going back up again. If I graphed the history of my economic life, it wouldn't be a straight line, but a very wavy line with peaks and low points, but after a low point, a peak usually follows.

Below is the entire prayer, from which I excerpted above, that I got out of a book about Dietrich Bonhoeffer:

O God, early in the morning I cry to you.
Help me to pray
And to concentrate my thoughts on you;
I cannot do this alone.

In me there is darkness,
But with you there is light;
I am lonely, but you do not leave me;
I am feeble in heart, but with you there is help;
I am restless, but with you there is peace.
In me there is bitterness, but with you there is patience;
I do not understand your ways,
But you know the way for me.

O heavenly Father,
I praise and thank you
For the peace of the night;
I praise and thank you for this new day;
I praise and thank you for all your goodness
And faithfulness throughout my life.

You have granted me many blessings;
Now let me also accept what is hard
From your hand.You will lay on me no more
Than I can bear.
You make all things work together for good
For your children.

Lord Jesus Christ
You were poor
And in distress, a captive and forsaken as I am.
You know all man's troubles'
You abide with me
When all men fail me;
You remember and seek me;
It is your will that I should know you
And turn to you.
Lord, I hear your call and follow;
Help me.

O Holy spirit,
Give me faith that will protect me
From despair, from passions, and from vice;
Give me such love for God and men
As will blot out all hatred and bitterness;
Give me the hope that will deliver me
From fear and faint-heartedness.

O holy and merciful God
My Creator and Redeemer,
My Judge and Savour,
You know me and all that I do.
You hate and punish evil without respect of persons
In this world and the next;
You forgive the sins of those
Who sincerely pray for forgiveness;
You love goodness, and reward it on this earth
With a clear conscience,
And, in the world to come,
With a crown of righteousness.

I remember in your presence all my loved ones,
My fellow-prisoners, and all who in this house
Perform their hard service;
Lord, have mercy,
Restore me to liberty,
And enable me so to live now
That I may answer before you and before men.
Lord, whatever this day may bring,
Your name be praised.
Amen

In my sleep he watches yearning
And restores my soul,
So that each recurring morning
Love and goodness make me whole.
Were God not there,
His face not near,
He had not led me out of fear.
All things have their time and sphere;
God's love lasts for ever.
…Paul Gerhardt

Government Subsidies

Photo: In looking through an old copy of Life magazine from October, 1942, I found this advertisement done by the great painter Thomas Hart Benton. Toward the end of his career when he need money and his commissions were waining, he started doing advertising art.

I’ve been writing almost daily in this blog for almost two years, until last August when I moved into my new apartment. Something that literally and well as spiritually I see as the beginning of an enormous transition period. Not only did I stop writing in this blog, but I discontinued my phone service and Internet connection when I move, after having the Internet since it was first invented, and spending hours every day on it. I want to spend my time writing something more serious, that’s why I’ve stopped writing this blog—almost.
In the New Yorker Magazine of Nov. 9, 2009, I read a long article on Ayn Rand, who has always fascinated me, although I can only go along with a few things she says. Being very religious myself, I can’t idolize an atheist. I feel that atheists are people who are only half of a person. In this article it said that Rand only liked people with whom she could see some of herself in them. I think I have enough in common with her that we could have gotten along somewhat, because I’m so intensely independent. Of course, I couldn’t have mentioned the words “God” or “religion” around her, and what kind of a relationship is that when you have to be circumspect about what you say. It says in the article that she collected stamps. So do I. Collecting stamps was something I began as a child and never got over it. Many of my childhood interests have remained with me throughout my life, and I’m very happy for that. Besides stamp collecting, Interests from my childhood that I still participate in are bicycling, reading, knitting, tennis, movies, art, and undoubtedly many others that haven’t come to mind. The first writers I loved are still my favorite writers, but with a few new ones added.

Right now, as I’ve mentioned before, I’m living in a HUD subsidized apartment, in an apartment building for seniors, which means that the Feds are paying about two-thirds of my rent. Without doubt, something that would have provoked Ayn Rand to banish me from her sight. I feel rather bad about my current state of affairs also, and I hope that this won’t go on for long. I want nothing more than to be financially independent again, which is what is giving me a goal and hope for the future. However, there are times in life when people need help, something that I don’t think Ayn Rand could ever understand. Except when she first came to America from Russia, she got help from her relatives in Chicago. What if someone doesn't have any relatives and needs help? Is it a better choice to live on the street, or in abject poverty, than to take a handout from the government? I can’t believe it is. I feel what I’m living through now is just a transition period. It’s a time of rest and emotional growth for me before I have to start struggling to be financially independent again. But, I can see how having an outside source support you can make one dependent and limit initiative. It’s just like being supported by one’s family, something I never had too much of, and not being able to get away and be independent, because it’s too easy just to be supported and do what one wants. It’s not a perfect situation no matter if the government gives aid to the poor or withholds it. There is a downside to both alternatives. My thinking is that help from the government like subsidized apartments, unemployment insurance, food stamps, etc., is the best alternative even though these entitlements are abused by many and can take away initiative and independence. It makes for a healthier society as a whole. We don’t want a society with people camped out on the street with children running around in filth and no clothes. I’ve always thought it terribly irresponsible for people who don’t have money or any financial prospects to have children, but that doesn’t seem to be a realistic concept. People have always and will always have children regardless of their financial situation. I think most people believe that God will provide for them or He wouldn’t have given them the children. That shows a wonderful amount of faith. I also think that man's most potent desire is to leave something of himself behind once he has departed this earth, and that desire outweighs just about anything else, even if one has to live in poverty to achieve it.

On TV last night I watched the show “The Good Wife.” The husband in it said that being in prison was a valuable experience for him. I think my current situation is a valuable experience for me that will give me more insight to social problems than I’ve had before, and help me to understand the pros and cons of government subsidies and welfare programs. In some ways these programs are crippling, but even so I feel they are still necessary.

I dream that if I can ever make money again and can be financially independent again, that I will repay the government for all it has done for me. I've got to get to work on my new book.

Obama Wins Nobel Prize

I was ecstatic to hear that Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize; especially because of all the criticism he has been under lately mostly from the right. I think this just shows how popular Obama is in Europe, which is great diplomacy and great publicity for the USA. I think that Obama will use this as inspiration to live up to what the world expects from him. I wonder why FDR or Eisenhower never won the Prize.

Two New "Good Wives," one fictional (TV show), and one in reality (David Letterman's wife)

Photo: I took this photo in 1980 at an opening of a Richard Avedon exhibit in San Francisco. Avendon's photo of Francis Bacon is on the back wall.

I can admire "The Good Wife" on the new TV series because she's using her circumstances to make something out of herself that she would never have done if her husband hadn't turned out to be a prick. But I don't admire women who just put up with their husband's infidelity and emotional abuse and don't use it to help change their lives for the better. I don't really admire women who don't have their own professional life and are content to live their lives through another person. That seems to me to be a child/adult relationship. It seems to me that women who don't know what their husbands are up to behind their back, could have a very close emotional relationship with her husband.

The only good I can see in this David Letterman fiasco is that he refused to be blackmailed and came clean, which was the right road to take. Michael Jackson seemed to prefer to pay people off. I hope that jerk who was trying to blackmail him goes to prison for a long time. His defense seems to be that it was all a joke. I hope he doesn't get away with that.

Obama's Slowness

Last Saturday night I was surprised to hear and see all the criticism of Obama coming from a supportive and liberal source. It only shows how he is loosing support, because he doesn't seem to be accomplishing anything, which isn't entirely his fault. Circumstances make it impossible for us to abandon either Iraq or Afghanistan. The health bill is taking so long because of all the unexpected hostility from the right. When one sets out with goals, it's impossible to see all the impediments that will arise, and it takes time to over come those. SNL made the point that it took him 4 months just to get a dog; however, when he finally did get a dog it was the perfect one and turned out to be a gift from a great friend. Lincoln was very much the same way. The liberals really got impatient with him for being so slow, but when he finally did come through, it came out exactly right and the majority was ready to back him. I felt the same impatience with Lincoln when reading about him. He put up with so much crap from his generals, when they were obviously incompetent, before he would finally fire them. During Lincoln's first term, he was so unpopular that it was doubtful that he could get re-elected, but he managed it. If I remember correctly, John F. Kennedy wasn't very popular during his Presidency, and now he's seen as one of our best Presidents, which still seems unseemly to me. He's credited with getting the Russians to get their missals out of Cuba, the only successful act of diplomacy he carried out, but that was mostly Khrushchev's doing. For me, the apogee of Kennedy's Presidency was when he established the Peace Corps.

My New Apartment in Port Richmond

Photo: North Beach up to Nob Hill, San Francisco. (1980)

I believe that the conservative backlash against President Obama is because change scares most people to death, especially those of the conservative bent, even if they claim that’s what they want. It takes a person who is secure within themselves not to be afraid of change, and most people aren’t that secure.

I met another person in my building where I just moved, a building of subsidized apartments for seniors (62 and older), who are low income. This is the most interesting place I’ve ever lived. I tried to start a conversation with this man, but his English was so bad, it was impossible. However, he did manage to answer me when I asked him what language he spoke: Bulgarian. The super, who also has bad English, is half Italian and half Albanian. There is also an Indian woman who is a Buddhist, and in the apartment next to mine is a Japanese couple. A person has to be a citizen to get an apartment here, but that must be very hard to become when one doesn’t hardly speak any English. People here range from seemingly healthy and energetic (I include myself in this group since I’m the only one here who rides a bicycle) to people who are in wheel chairs, or who can only walk with the aid of a walker, and one man I know who can’t get out of bed most of the time, whom I believe belongs in a nursing home. I guess it’s a fine line between people who are considered independent and those who aren’t. Many people here seem to have health workers who come and do laundry and shopping for them, or relatives who do the same. What amazes me is that I meet people all the time who seem to have no self-discipline when it comes to their eating habits, even when they have horrible health problems, and they don’t seem to make any connection between their bad health habits and their bad health. My mother was like that, too. There are people who contribute their bad health to bad luck or they think it’s in their genes. Maybe these people don’t have a very strong will to live. I thank God every day for everything he’s given me. It staggers my mind when I see the suffering of other people, who have a consciousness of lack, and whom have never thanked God for anything in their lives. Just believing in God, and having faith, is a wonderful gift from God that I think the majority of mankind either don’t have or don’t appreciate this blessing.

Not only is this the most interesting apartment building I’ve ever lived in, but I think the neighborhood is the most interesting I’ve lived in, too. It dates from the 1600’s, when it was first settled by the Dutch. There are old houses around here that are jewels from the 19th century. It's the largest Mexican settlement in Staten Island.